I don't know if I can explain just what happened with Paul. When he was born, I was eager and excited, but wary, and pretty clueless. I wasn't at all sure how I was going to be as a dad. But then, in the delivery room, after they'd gotten him cleaned up and Lisa had a chance to hold him briefly, the midwife picked him up. 'Well now, it's time to free up this birthing room. Lisa, you get to ride over to your room in a wheelchair. And Paul, ' she'd said to the baby, 'you get to be carried by your father'. Then she shoved this bundle at me, like a quarterback making a handoff to a runningback. 'Take him!' she insisted when my hands were slow to grab him. 'He's your baby.'"Moira, I took this bundle from her and looked down into Paul's face, and I swear something happened in me, as quickly as throwing a light switch; something changed in me. There was no longer a bundle in my arms, there was Paul, my baby. In an instant, Paul became more precious to me than, than anything. He held a place. ….. The next morning, I was at the gym at 7 am and after getting a tour of the facilities, started pedaling away on one of the stationary bikes. It didn’t seem too bad until I realized I was winded and it had only been a little over fifteen minutes. Damn! I stayed with the bike until a full thirty minutes had passed and then I shifted over to the treadmill. Eventually, I went into the sauna and sweated out my frustration with everything that had gone wrong in my life since Carol left me. Five weeks later, with a change of diet and steady exercise, I lost seven pounds and two belt notches and I was not winded any longer. I’ll admit, though, I missed my peanut M&Ms. By the end of the second month my speed on the treadmill had increased, to my great relief and I, for a few strange moments, considered entering a local 5K. I laughed, thinking what a joke that would be and kept laughing all the way up to the point where my signature was on the entry form at the gym’s front desk. After.
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